I’m lonely & I’m broken.  I do not know why, but I have yet to feel anything from this.  I like it though - but why?
And I am scared that he may want to go to the next level, but I do not want that. I just want this.  Friendship, I guess really.  But I still want to cuddle.  I just want someone for myself.

Why am I scared?  I am not who I was.  I used to thrive for these moments.  This was my passion.  Love was my passion.  Now what.

And I guess I miss him because I miss being able to not feel anything really.  And it was okay.  There was no reason to feel all giddy all of the time.  We knew each other perfectly, and there was no expectations.  No I did not ever expect to end up this way.  But I had to do it.  It was necessary, I know that it was.
I need to find myself.  I need to know who I am and what I’m capable of giving to someone.  Maybe he needed this too, he was just afraid. As I used to be.

But, ah.  We will see.